Today, I have a story to share with you all, along with a question I would like to ask at the end.

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Mr. K (a pseudonym) has a ten-year-old son named "Demo." One day, Demo came home with a letter from his teacher stating that he had stolen a ballpoint pen from a friend and put it in his pocket, only to be caught. After reading the letter, Mr. K was furious and lectured Demo:

"Demo, how could you do this? How could you steal your friend's pen? I never taught you to do this. It's wrong, do you understand? If you really wanted a pen, why didn't you come and tell me? Next time, if you want a pen, just ask me first, okay? I can bring home a pen from my company for you."

...

Now that you've read it, I want to ask: do you think what Mr. K said to his son was right or wrong? Or is it neither right nor wrong? It sounds pretty ordinary, doesn't it? And if you were Mr. K, would you have acted the same way?

For those who think this is a normal situation, the chances are high that you might be someone who has become "desensitized" to cheating—without even realizing it. Consequently, the likelihood that Demo will grow up to be a cheater who doesn't think of himself as one will also increase.

We can explain the behavior of Mr. K and Demo using a theory called social learning.

Social learning is when people tend to change their behaviors and attitudes based on those around them in their social environment. For example, we can learn socially acceptable behaviors by observing what others do (similar to the Thai proverb that says when in Rome, do as the Romans do). This social learning occurs not only among adults but also among children.

Research has shown that when young children see their parents playing roughly with dolls, they will also play roughly with those dolls when it's their turn. The opposite happens if they see their parents playing gently with the dolls.

Cheating is no different.

One reason Mr. K views stealing a pen as wrong but sees taking a pen from his company to give to his son as acceptable may be because he sees others doing it. He perceives it as a norm (a societal standard) and not something wrong (and if you think what Mr. K did was not wrong, you might have learned from observing the behavior of others in your company, leading you to believe it is a norm and not a bad behavior).

As for Demo, seeing his father say that taking a pen from the company is not wrong increases the likelihood that he will accept this idea as socially acceptable. Consequently, the chances of him growing up to be an adult who cheats (but doesn't think he is cheating) will also rise.

Moreover, the likelihood that Demo will exhibit a behavior known as criminal spin—where small acts of cheating can lead to larger acts of cheating in the future—will also increase.

In summary, we want the new generation, like Demo, to grow up to be cheaters without realizing the extent of their cheating. We might need to ask ourselves whether Mr. K, in our hearts, would decide to be a good role model for Demo.

P.S. The story I shared above is based on a humorous account by Dan Ariely; I did not create it myself.

SOURCE: www.thaipublica.org