In a situation involving good intentions, we can simply break it down into the “giver” of good intentions and the “receiver” of good intentions. However, what differentiates this from general giving and receiving is that the giver is often willing to give, but the receiver may not want to receive. This leads to phrases like “Don’t pretend to care”, “It wasn’t worth the good intentions”, “I tried to be nice”, “Do you really think this is good intention?”, and “Just good intentions aren’t enough...”. Which of these phrases do you encounter often?

If you take a moment to analyze these phrases, you will find that the latter is very much a reality. Whether it’s trying to be nice or not worth the effort, the underlying issue is that it is insufficient for the receiver.

Good intentions can manifest both abstractly and concretely. They can be given in tangible forms such as money, items, loans, or job opportunities, as well as in intangible forms like care, advice, or encouragement. Regardless of the form, the receiver may still feel insufficient.

We may have found ourselves in situations where we are both the giver and the receiver of good intentions, and we may have had negative feelings towards “good intentions” from different perspectives, whether feeling hurt from giving or dissatisfaction with what we received. However, at that moment, if we are unhappy with what we received, we often forget to consider the other side: How does the giver of good intentions feel? Shouldn’t they receive a different response from us? The more challenging aspect is understanding the receiver's side...

“Why are they not satisfied with the good intentions we offered?”

This article has already pointed out that it is because it is insufficient. So why are good intentions not enough? Initially, if we think back to when “we were the receivers” and were dissatisfied with the good intentions, we should ask ourselves why we felt that way...

Upon reflection, we will find that “good intentions are related to assistance”. If the other party shows any signs that we “feel” they need help, we offer “good intentions”. This feeling of needing to help does not only arise when the other party is struggling or facing problems; it can also occur when they are doing well, and we want to help them achieve even more or succeed faster...

They may not want us to suffer or be troubled...

Now, whenever “helping” does not actually “help”, it is not surprising that the receiver does not want it. Their reluctance is not necessarily because they do not want that thing, but it may stem from a good feeling that they do not want us, or the giver, to be troubled along with them. In such cases, instead of feeling at ease, the receiver may feel uncomfortable, even feeling indebted when they do not think it is necessary at that moment.

If good intentions were to be quantified, it would be like if a relative is in trouble and needs 10,000 baht, and we, out of “good intentions”, offer 200 baht. Even if they see the good intention, consider this from another angle: if we were the receiver, we might feel, “Oh, they tried to help”. It is not just that it is too little; it may also reflect that the giver might still be struggling. The receiver would feel uncomfortable accepting it, not because they look down on the giver's good intentions...

Even in intangible forms, such as expressing various feelings through good intentions, while they cannot be counted, they can be perceived differently. For example, if two people do not like each other and one expresses sympathy when the other is down, the phrase “That’s too bad” may come off as condescending or not credible enough. A simple analogy would be if two people have been enemies for a long time and one shows up at the other's funeral; it could be interpreted as checking if they are really dead, feeling satisfied, or just seeking forgiveness. Most would think they are not genuinely grieving. In this way, it is unlikely to be seen as good intentions... In reality, it may not be this extreme, but there are many opportunities for the receiver to distrust good intentions because feelings are invisible...

Additionally, there are misaligned good intentions. For instance, if we have a partner who is trying to manage their weight, and one day after work, we pass by a famous bakery and see a delicious cake, we might buy it for them out of “good intentions”. The question is, do they have to accept this good intention from us willingly?

From our perspective, we made an effort to think of them, bought it for them, and brought it home, only to find that instead of being excited, it was left untouched in the fridge days later. Would we feel hurt by this good intention if we forgot or didn’t know they were managing their weight?

Sometimes it might just be the good intentions of a child...

If you have children, grandchildren, or young kids in a learning phase, you will notice that when we do something, they want to “help” us with everything. However, most of the time, their help tends to create more burdens. They may disrupt our work, require us to guide and teach them, and we may have to take care of them more. This is what we call “the good intentions of a child...” and we might also be extending good intentions to someone in a similar way.

In conclusion, why are good intentions not enough...

  • Because they are truly insufficient in quantity and quality as felt or received by the other party.
  • Because they do not align with what the other party wants.
  • Because they feel more like a burden than a help (the good intentions of a child).
  • Because we are not the right person to be offering good intentions (they do not trust us).

Good intentions are not like general good deeds, where one can do something without expecting anything in return and it would be fine, as it can have negative consequences for the other party, as seen in many examples mentioned.

However, good intentions are indeed a good thing and can take many forms. We should wish well for everyone, but the outcomes should not harm those who offer good intentions, and we may need to be more thoughtful about who we wish well for. I believe we have always been both givers and receivers of good intentions. This article may have focused on the giver's perspective, but when we are the receiver, we should also consider that the giver may not have intended to give in the wrong way; they acted out of good intentions, so that no one has to feel that “just good intentions aren’t enough...”

SOURCE: sirichaiwatt.com